OK, so third time lucky. 1st time, got him there, wouldn’t go in, the next time I cancelled because he said he just couldn’t but today……
I had to remind him several times this week and was greeted with, “I know” to “oh no I forgot” to “you don’t have to keep reminding me!” the normal string of responses along with a few choice words. 5 minutes before we should leave and a mini meltdown. Finally got him in the car 15 minutes after we should have left. On the way down I am also now on edge and start thinking that I have the wrong appointment time and that it may have been at 2pm not 2.30pm and it is now 2.30pm already and we are late if it is 2.30pm and really bloody late if it is 2pm!!!GGGGGrrrrrrrrr my very own little meltdown. When we arrived I checked my diary and to my utter relief I had got the times wrong and the appointment was at 2.50pm, phew. Only now we have to wait 10mins….
Waiting is worse, I try to arrive as close to an appointment as I can these days because it gives Lil Bear chance to change his mind, get in a stew and have a meltdown. Meltdown only just avoided we finally go in to the dentist. Once there you would wonder what all the fuss is about, smile on his face (for his audience) compliance with everything he is asked, whist I am sat there saying “he is a bit anxious”. They must have thought “over protective mother” as I have the look of a woman about to watch her son about to endure water torture!
Appointment over we get outside and the moaning begins.
Lil Bear “my mouth tastes of rubber”
Mummy Bear “here have a drink”
Lil Bear “no”
Mummy Bear “it will take the taste away”
Lil Bear “i don’t want a drink”
…and so it continues
By the time the car pulls into the drive we are not speaking, I cant even remember what I have supposedly done wrong but he is really angry with me. The day then continues on a somewhat hyper note. He kept popping out trying to make me jump, was just very much in my face all evening and by 1am he was just about ready to go to sleep!
The fall out from the dentist does not end there. The following morning the mood is somewhat worse. A full meltdown where life for him is unbearable and his only expression is swearing, throwing and saying he doesn’t want to live. All this whilst I have people in my work space in the garden, trying to have a peaceful bit of tuition. Some days I just want to cry and find it hard to contain the calm sense of peace that I try to portray to the world. You see I don’t want their sympathy (they being the outside world), I am asking nothing of them other than to not judge me and not judge my son unfairly because the hideous times do not represent who we are. Those times are purely expressions of us being overwhelmed…